Some things are starting to clear themselves out. It’s so confusing, though …

I wasn’t fired. I had a meeting with Dr. Radcliff today about my job and the whole situation. When I told him that I might still resign, he was visibly not happy. He told me that he didn’t think that I wanted to do that because I love doing it so much. He was right. As I told both him and Mrs. Parker, I’m just trying to get as far away from a bad situation as I can, and this may be one of the ways to do that. Both of them told me to give it at least the weekend to think about it. I said I would …

As far as the play is concerned, that basically rests with her. And even if I’m allowed to stay, I still may not. I honestly don’t think that I would be any good to anybody there if I did …

How could I have been so cold and heartless? Especially to someone I care about? I don’t understand it. And it makes me really sad every time I think about it. I can’t even fathom how I could’ve be so horrible. But I was. That’s gonna plague me for quite some time, I think. I just can’t believe it …

Changing lanes, I think Sharon has all but lost interest in me. We didn’t really talk today with the exception of after jazz. I told her that I was really sorry for freaking out and being an a**hole yesterday. She said it was okay, but she didn’t really seem to care. She seemed more upset than anything else. I know that she likes a couple other guys (I won’t mention their names now) but I think that as if that weren’t enough, she’s probably heard of what’s going on and if she weren’t already bored with me, then she’s scared of me. Oh well. People will think what they want. They hear what they want to hear and believe what they want to believe. That’s the way it’s always been and there’s no doubt in my mind that it will stay that way. Just a crush….

It’s incredibly strange how you can be so “up” one week and so “down” the next (simply put). How your life can change in the blink of an eye (or the stroke of a pen). I wish I didn’t take so many things for granted …