The more time I spend talking to others, the more I realize that every family is severely dysfunctional, extremely fucked up, or at least a little nuts in their own special way. Every family has at least one member that’s intentionally not discussed, conspicuously absent at family gatherings, or is just generally ignored. They become a pariah within their own family.

Their own family.

What makes a family, as a whole, do this? Turn their collective back on one of their own? Some invariably say, “it’s for their own good,” or “they need to learn on their own,” or “it was their choice.” People think they’re doing the right thing. They may even think that they’re being supportive by cutting a loved one off — and as ashamed as I am to admit it, I’m guilty of that as well.

For me, it wasn’t about status or embarrassment or pride. Put simply, my excuse was anger. Because the person was not here to vent my frustrations to, I internalized my feelings until they were so strong that I had a great excuse to abandon this person. But it was just that — an excuse — and it doesn’t absolve me of this behavior.

Nothing will. I can’t go back and change how things have happened. I can only go forward and do my best to take advantage of the opportunities I have to repair things and heal. I’m tired of living with this pain in my heart, but more importantly, I’m tired of causing pain in the heart of this person.

It’s about blood and it’s about family. But it’s also about being a decent human being — because for me, this person is my mother.  And that first opportunity is tomorrow.