Oh, where to start …

Well, the thing on Friday with Rachael came back to bite me … big. Cathy and her sister Nancy apparently went to Mrs. Lueck and told her about it. They also told her that I could have broken into the music office and stolen the list, which was completely untrue. After jazz choir, Mama Lu confronted me about it. She told me that if she couldn’t trust me that I wouldn’t be in Singers. I agreed. And I told her that I would never break in to her office, and that I had resolved things with Rachael. She said okay and I left …

Then I went to Rachael and told her that I was quitting Singers. She told me that I would only be letting Cathy and Nancy win. I agreed and left …

I went to Mama Lu 4th hour and told her that I was quitting Singers and jazz choir for many reasons, not the least of which was this incident and the fact that I didn’t feel like a valuable asset to the music department — that I didn’t belong (I’ve felt like this for a while). She was upset at the fact that Nancy and Cathy could have such a vendetta against me, because they are her ‘little Singers’, and they would never do anything wrong (right!). But anyway, that’s still up in the air. But as of right now, I will not be in any Rocky choirs next year …

Let’s change gears, shall we …

Thursday night: Even though I wasn’t performing, I was directing tech for the concerts. This was very exhausting to say the least. Not only did I have to worry about lighting and sound in the auditorium, I also had to do lights in the mini-theater. It went pretty well, though. The only problem that I had that night was that Amy kept looking at me when I was in the auditorium. She was seated so that she could look back and see me in the booth. I just looked away. She told my friend Kevin that she thinks I hate her. I don’t know what it is, I just can’t face her …

She came into the auditorium after everybody was gone at the end of the concert. Since there was nobody there but me, my only assumption was that she wanted to talk to me. I bolted out. I think I’m scared of what I might say when I talk to her. There are some things that I feel I need to say that I know are going to hurt her. And I don’t want to do that. Yet another thing unresolved …

Friday: The day before (Thursday) I had been flirting with [name omitted]. I had met her through [name omitted]. We talked about doing stuff on Friday. So I ditched 4th hour and went with her to the auditorium. We went to the booth. We started talking about what we wanted to do and neither of us could come up with anything. Then we began kissing. As I started to feel her up, she asked me why I was so scared. I sat down and we talked for a while about our various failed relationships. She then asked me if I felt more comfortable and I said yes. Then we moved to the soft chair in the corner and began kissing again. I got her tits out of her shirt and bra and sucked on them for a while. She started moaning. I asked her if she wanted to blow me and she said she didn’t know. We kept on going where we were. She told me that she couldn’t have sex with me and I agreed …

Eventually, we both stood up and she asked me to do something to her. I obliged by removing her jeans and underwear. Then I began to finger her. I kept up my pace for a little while as she was moaning. Suddenly, she asked me to stop for a second. I did. And then she started crying. I took her out of the booth and she ran to the bathroom …

When she came out, we started talking. I knew what it was, though. She’s not over her ex-boyfriend, [name omitted] — who just broke up with her. She said that she was sorry for freaking out. It turns out that as we were going, she started to think about him and couldn’t handle it. She also said that she was scared about getting caught and that she didn’t want to be labeled a slut. I promised her that I wouldn’t tell anybody about it. We both know that we have feelings for each other (or at least I think we do), but she has to get over that moron first …

Also, to end this entry on a positive note — it appears that Rachael is no longer talking to me.

So, all in all, one hell of a great week … 😐