According to Mr. Clark, “No School today. Spring Intermission completely devoid of any religious significance. So nobody’s offended.”

But anyway … still grounded. So far, I’ve managed to get in a fight with my mom every day this week (which is a new record, by the way). I need to get out of this grounding so that I don’t develop Cabin Fever and start spouting off random obscenities without any end in sight … or have I passed that point yet?

Megan spent the night with Nat and Amy last night. Jake asked Amy to Prom yesterday … that’s funny. Anywho, apparently, one of the things that came up among the three was whether or not Megan was happy with the relationship. In a later e-mail, she posed this question to me. After some discussion, we both concluded that we were. Another issue that came up was what Megan and I started talking about on Monday. She said that she’d been thinking about it since then, and still didn’t have a direct answer for me. After much (and I mean much) discussion, I was able to elicit from her that she wasn’t comfortable with it …

Then I started to feel bad. I told her that I’d been doing my best to go slow with her, but I guess I failed. I say this because that’s how I feel. It’s not her fault. It’s mine …

God! The only reason that I ever brought this up is because I’d rather talk things out than continue to make her feel uncomfortable. And I ended up feeling worse. So I told her that whether I just guess on my own or openly discuss things, I end up screwing myself over and feeling horrible. So I just won’t do or say anything anymore …

I can accept the fact if she doesn’t want to do anything. I mean, it’s certainly not something that I need to function in a relationship. Some things are just nice to have, and I guess that I’m accustomed to some of these things, and I’ll have to readjust to not having them … 🙁

Then she asked me, “So, what’s the challenge? Are you trying to see how far you can get me to go in a certain amount of time?” This has to be the most insulting thing that she’s ever said to me. By her saying that, it shows (to me, at least) that she thinks the same about me as everyone else does. As much as I tried to downplay this, it really hurt me …

Then our conversation became an unending silence. After some time, we said we would talk later. At which point we hung up …

Much like I told her, I guess that this relationship was the last thing that I had to screw up. Well, I’ve done that now. Hmm … I wonder what else can go wrong …

[update]
Nope. I’m still a total idiot.

[update 2]
Well, it’s getting close to 2am the next morning … Can’t sleep … I can’t believe how stupid I am sometimes. What’s funny is that I told Megan that she shouldn’t have made such a big deal out of this. So once again, I don’t know how to take my own advice. She says I didn’t do anything wrong. But then again, she also thinks as bad about me as everyone else does. How horrible … my own girlfirend … Gotta sleep … okay.

[update 3]
It’s a little bit past 3am now … I need to sleep. I can’t get this out of my mind. Am I really what everyone says I am? I must be if my own girlfriend thinks so … 🙁