Wow where to start …

On Friday, Mike and I and Amy and Shauna made up. Mike needed a day to cool off. He said that he just wanted us (Amy and I) to tell him ourselves. He’s fine now. And we’re all friends (yea!).

While I’m on the subject of Amy, we’re not going out yet. More important that that, I’m really worried about her. She came to school today so unhappy, it really made me sad. I thought it was just the normal teen unhappy Monday syndrome. How wrong I was … By the time I finally got her to tell me her problems, I was blown away … Her parents are divorced because her mom cheated on her dad numerous times, and that’s obviously taken its toll. Worse than that, however, is that her mom’s boyfriend molested her over a period of many years. Even though he is no longer with her mom, he follows her and writes her letters. I’m very scared for her. As if that werent enough, her mom’s new boyfriend (no way!) beats her on a regular basis. God, it hurts to even write this. I feel so bad for her. Here’s the kicker: She can’t tell anybody about whats happening to her because even though she lives with her dad, her mom has custody of her. Her mom has threatened that if she (Amy) says anything, her mom will make Amy move back in with her. I don’t know what to do. It seems to have no solution. Of course, when Amy told me, she then downplayed it. That’s what has me worried. She keeps all of this inside I guess I’m just really scared for her.

I finally decided to write a letter to Linsey. I told her on Thursday that I don’t hate her. She still thinks I do. She even asked me multiple times today. Here is the text of the letter I will give her tomorrow:

Linsey,

I’m sorry that I havent talked to you sooner. But I just wanted to think about some things.

First, I’ve totally and completely fallen for you. I’ve only done this a couple of times in my life, but never this fast. I don’t know, it’s just something about you. This is why I acted like such an asshole when you dumped me, because that was when I really started feeling this way.

Which brings me to: Why did you break up with me? On Friday, things were going fine, and then all of a sudden, you just drop me. Although I could tell on Monday that something was different with you.

Also, I have said some bad things about you, which I am sorry for. I didnt mean anything that I said.

Everyone told me to “stay away from her — she’s a back-stabbing slut” (not my words). I ignored them. I thought they were wrong. I still think they’re wrong. I hope that I don’t end up regretting that.

Anyway, what I’m getting at is that I want another chance with you. You are by far the most beautiful girl I have ever been with, and I really believe that we could work out together (I mean that). Whether good or bad, please let me know …

Chris

P.S. I realize how sad and pathetic this seems, so I forgive you if you laugh at me. But I had to do this. Regardless of the outcome, I had to tell you how I feel.

The thing with Linsey is that I can’t get a reading on her. One day she drops me, today she was flirting with me. I’m concerned that I only want her for sex. I don’t think I do, but I just don’t know. So, if I get the guts, I will give her this letter tomorrow and let the chips fall where they may. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow …

I’m not depressed, but I sure am confused. Usually, things work themselves out, but this is just too much. I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I’ll wake up at completely absurd times in the night. Today, I woke up at 2am. Needless to say, I’m very tired (and confused). I hope nothing else goes wrong. See you tomorrow …