Okay, so tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day. The only thing that I have to look forward to on this day is my jazz concert. Isn’t that wonderful …

But anyway, my weekend went fairly well. Last night, Dan spent the night here in my hacienda. We had a really good time. Dan is really cool. We always have a lot of fun.

Back to tomorrow: I’ve been toying with the idea of giving Rachael a rose tomorrow, just as a friend. I really really like her and for once, I’m not exactly sure about how to approach it, simply because of problems past. Needless to say, I’m not the most confident in myself right now. Even when I’m at top form, I’m not the most confident. But I’m never this concerned. But that’s okay. I’ve decided that I’m going to give her the rose and let the chips fall where they may. Cathy can say what she wants, Nancy can say what she wants. Anybody can say whatever they want. I don’t care anymore. The more I think about it, life is very short. I normally try not to buy in to the cliches, but this one is especially true. Life Is Short. Some people don’t like to hear that … because they know it’s true. I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to waste my time worrying about what people think or hear about me. The only ones that count will already know. Anyone that doesn’t obviously doesn’t deserve to. I’m not being pretentious here. But that’s the only way that I can continue to live my life the way that I want to and still be comfortable with myself.

Take for example: Nicole and Mike’s mom are making Valentine’s Day dinner for Mike and Amy. This would seriously bother the old me. But since I’ve adopted this new outlook (no pun intended) on things, I am very happy for them. No one can resist what they think of a general situation (i.e. Mike and Amy being together) but it’s not for me to worry about. I’ve come to the conclusion that she (Amy) no longer cares for me. She may in the faint way to say “hi” only when it’s convenient for her. But other than that, there’s nothing left. Granted that I will be very sad when she leaves for good. But the way that I feel in my heart, she’s already gone. Not only is this the best idea to avoid any conflicts before she leaves, but it will be a lot easier on me. I’m not being selfish, it’s just the best for all concerned. The only downfall to this is that she may think that I’m avoiding her if she says “hi” to me and I don’t respond. But the way I see it, any possible feelings that I can create in her to feel bad will quickly be replaced by her most wonderful boyfriend in the world.

I will finish on this thought: Valentine’s Day really really sucks unless you have someone to share it with.