Today went well. I had my last day of Tech Certification training before the test tomorrow. I think that I will do pretty well on the test. It won’t be that bad, I hope.

I’ve been staying in the Cisco lab more often during lunch. I feel very peaceful there. I can just relax and put on some music, and nothing can bother me. Sometimes I think about Amy or Mike or both and I feel a little bit sad. But I try very hard not to think of such things. I’ve become convinced that the day that Amy and I had our last long conversation will be our last long conversation. When she approached me that morning, I didn’t notice it at the time, but I know now that she was saying goodbye. This is a little disheartening because she is not leaving until at the very least April. But that’s her decision, and I don’t really have the right to protest that. So I’ll let it be. But I am sorry that I won’t be able to spend any more time with her before she leaves for good. And I’m very sorry that I personally made so much of her time at Rocky as bad as it was. There were a lot of things that I did to make her feel bad. After I had done them, I felt bad, but now, well, I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for doing some of the things I did to her. It wasn’t worth it … It’s true: You don’t realize how much you miss something until it’s gone. I think that I understand that better than a lot of people.

Last night after my entry, I received a voice mail from Jessica Saari, Rachael’s friend. I called her back after I got off the phone with Dan. We must have talked for a half hour. It was mostly about Rachael. I expressed my concerns about pursuing something with her, and it was nice to have somebody just listen for once. Rachael is very good at that too. I have conflicts not so much because of Cathy or her sister Nancy, but the fact that we’ve become such close friends. I have already ruined so many friendships, and I don’t really want to go through with that again. It occurs that I have two options: 1) pursue her and take my chances, or 2) keep my feelings to myself and supress them for the sake of the friendship. I remain undecided. For the time being, I think that I’ll remain still. One problem is that I can never get a read on her. Usually, I have a good knack for reading people. But with Rachael, it seems as if as soon as I think I have something figured out, she changes it. This is quite perplexing. I don’t know. I guess I’ll just coast.

Jazz choir tomorrow. Better stop here …