You know that you care for someone … so much so that sometimes you feel that your heart, your soul, perhaps even your entire being will explode from this thing, this feeling that seems as if it’s too big for you to hold.
You know that you have done things for her that have forced you to step outside of your comfort zone. You know that this will, with all likelihood, continue to be the case. You’re okay with this, you really are, because you realize that ultimately, this is a good thing. She should push your limits, she should challenge you. In a way, it excites you — exhilarates you, even. You know that you don’t regret this.
You know that you would gladly step in front of traffic for her, that you would do anything to ensure that she never feels a moment of sadness, of doubt, of unhappiness. You know that nothing that’s worth doing is easy or painless.
You know that you trust her. You weren’t entirely sure of this before, but you know why that is now. You know that there’s no doubt in your mind. You know that trust is a two-way street. You know that you have to trust to love, and that without this, you’re doomed.
You know that you’re not perfect — never were, never will be. You know that you make mistakes, that sometimes you’re scared. You know this better than most. You also know that you can’t go through life afraid of yourself, your feelings or others. You know that you’re tired of letting fear dictate your feelings and your actions. You know that you can’t stand for this any longer. You know that you gave her a chance, and you can’t go back on that now just because you were afraid. You know that’s part of the gamble, part of how it goes. You know that she deserves a chance. And so do you. You know that it’s time to trust someone.
You know that you hurt her, and you hurt for it. You know that hearing her cry and knowing that you caused it is quite possibly the worst feeling in the world. You know that’s why you couldn’t sleep last nite. You know there’s nothing that can take that sting back. You know that you’ve made it more difficult for her to trust you. But you also know that you’re committed to make this right, to show her that the whole of you is much more than the snippets of you that have brought you to this situation.
You hope that she sees this, and that when she does, she’ll know what you know, and know that it’s for her. (And for you.)
Wow. That was quite the “Say Anything” moment.
And I mean that in the best possible way.
I hope everything works out.
*hugs* The people we care about often see more of our weaknesses than we would like, but they are also the most forgiving of them.